Tuesday 21 July 2009

Such a sad day.

I'm really sad today. I hate Alzheimers. It's robbed me of my mother. I can see why it's called the long goodbye. She looks the same, sounds the same, but she's gone. And I'm heartbroken. I want my Mam back.
I was in the hospital with her all day today seeing the geriatrician. All day yesterday and this morning I had a barrage of the same three angry questions because she was scared I suppose.
Where are we going?
Why are we going, sure I'm fine?
What are they going to do to me?
Rinse and repeat these questions for the last 24 hours. My poor Dad has taken the brunt, merely because he was there most of yesterday.
I brought her along this morning and it was a struggle. I had to get her out of bed, wash and dress her, give her breakfast and put her in the car. All along answering the three questions above over and over.
She was cute enough to lie through her teeth to the doctor about how she felt, but the cognitive tests don't lie. She scored 12/30 and apparently that's severe Alzheimers. :(
She didn't know what day, month, year, season it was or what country she lived in, how many children she had etc. I couldn't bear to hear most of it. The doctor was lovely, she was very sympathetic, but at the end of it all there's nothing they can do.
As Dad said to me today: "How come they can spend billions sending men to the moon, but they can't find a cure for this horrible disease?"
Which leaves me so torn about what to do myself.
I know my Dad can't cope, I've known for a while, but I think I've kind of stuck my head in the sand, hoping it will go away. It hasn't. So now I need to step up to the mark. How? Working a shorter week and being there more? I simply can't afford to. Get a private home help in, as our shitty Government won't pay for one? Again, I can't afford to and my "brother" refuses to help. So what do I do? I know family is more important than money or career, but it's a case of paying for Alice's school fees and such. I dunno. I'll have to try and come up with some sort of compromise, coz it can't carry on as it is.

Sorry for the outburst, but it helps to talk to you, blog friends, as I don't want to burden hubby too much with it all.

On to knitty news:

On a plus side of today, I got about 10 repeats of the leg chart done on Hedera sock no 2 while we were waiting. Bonus!

Border Chart 1 is complete on the Liberty Bell Afghan:

Save the drumrolls and wild applause. I know it's not that impressive, but that there represents quite a few knitting hours!

If I ever needed cheering up here it is:

Alice in her Good Stripe Dress twirling this morning. Hubby took it. Apparently she is now a Level 2 Jedi fairy that can summon sunny fireballs to the sky to make the weather nice. Her bonus power is that she can change traffic lights from red to green so we can get home faster in the evening.
You've got to love her.


Alrischa said...

I just Love that dress...I'm going to have to make one. Sigh! hehe

It is a sad disease, isn't it? Can't think of any magic fixes for your situation, though I wish I could. My grandmother's in a nursing home, which makes it "bearable" for everyone, but I don't know if you can do that...

Perhaps you could send her to your brother's house in a taxi? Just for a few weeks... Ü

Averil said...

I´m really sorry to hear about your mother. Though, I´m glad you feel you can rant to us, and that our comments give you some solace.

That photo of Alice, is lovely! And the dress is just so cool on her! It´s gone straight to my queue - just another 300+ things to knit down on my queue before I CO :-)

Lien said...

I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I know you'll find some way of helping out. I wasn't around for much of my mother's illness, due to school and, to some extent, giving in to the urge to bury my head in the sand. It was harder for my father because of that, and I'm sorry for it every day.

Your family will appreciate whatever you can do.

Heidi said...

I wish I had some sort of fix for your mother. I went through this with my much-loved grandfather. It was very hard on the whole family…my prayers are with you and your whole family. My grandmother wrote a book The Other Side of Nowhere by Manuela Williams Crosno to get through it. I still cannot read it.

GaietyGirl said...

*huge hugs*

My grandmother died after a long battle with cancer when I was young. She didn't know any of us towards the end, apart from wonderful, lucid moments.

Horrible, horrible disease, alzheimers.

Tara said...

I've no words of wisdom, no "quick-fix". It's an unbearable situation for you and your Dad, and I can only send you my feelings of support and love. Take care.

Bionic Laura said...

So sorry to hear that Sinead. Thinking of you and your family.